whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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