You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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