"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
