why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Acid is not a monday night drug
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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