Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
