I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i need an iv and a liver transplant
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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