you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize