fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
