Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
