Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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