Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
