whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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