You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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