There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
