So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
