i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
