He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Randomize