Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
