I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
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