Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
