i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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