I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
