Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
