...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
