Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
