Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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