When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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