there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
