You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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