he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
