absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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