Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
