He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
