am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
