he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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