if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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