Tell her she can't have a vagina
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
