The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
