yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
