Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
