Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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