Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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