my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
