I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
