Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Porn is love you can see.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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