I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize