Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
