Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize