I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize