Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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