it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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