He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
