somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
