I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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