I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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