i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
