well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize