Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
