another moral hangover. fuck.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
