atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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