Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I am naked and annoyed.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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