i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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