I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I'm both gender and math confused
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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