I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
