my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
